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Alex
UK, exiled to St. Helena Island
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Why did I ever let this happen?
Me and Liria pissed at Xanzi Club. I’m aware that I look a twat.
Feels like I should have more photo’s of myself on here.
Wrong type of elephant, but this gave me flashbacks of being in Borneo when I was 15 and getting charged at by a huge bull elephant. We’d been watching the herd move through this field with viewing towers in, all very nice, lots of mother and baby elephants together. One of the females, however, was in heat, and as we came down from the tower (me, my mate Jon, my girlfriend Camilla and this guide were the first to do so) we spotted this huge bull elephant walking towards us. At this point, I’m basically thinking ‘shit, get back in the tower’ but the guide says we’ll be fine and he’s not interested in us, so we start across to the next tower to collect more members of the group. About halfway across the field we hear a sort of bellowing noise, and the ground begins to shake under our feet. I look behind us and see the scariest sight of my life, this bull, head lowered, charging at us and doing so far faster than I thought possible. So we break into a run for the next tower, our ever helpful guide leading the way. Now Jon’s never been in the best shape, to put it kindly, so we’re physically dragging him along with this fucker gaining all the time. At this stage I’m wondering which bit of foliage they’ll be cleaning my bloody pulp off. Happily, we make it, with about 10 seconds to spare I’d say. As we began walking up the steps of this other tower, this elephant’s head cracks right into it, sending the whole thing shaking. By sheerest luck, he’d twatted right into one of the two metal beams inside it. Apparently if he’d gone into the wooden planks instead, we’d have been getting better acquainted. So yeah, that’s how I nearly got killed by a randy elephant. Cool story, bro etc.

That’s quite enough brilliance for now.

About time I had a shave. Apparently I’m starting to look like Olof Mellberg

I wish I could reboot my life.